They say honesty is the best policy but it can sometimes be a little difficult, especially when telling the truth might hurt someone’s feelings. Most everyone is guilty of telling a lie from time to time, though we will rarely admit to doing so. We often shield our lies under the guise of being polite and our kids see us doing it day in and day out. So, if we cannot even be honest ourselves, how are we to ever teach our kids the value of honesty?
Why Should Anyone Attempt to Practice Honesty?
Many people are surprised to learn honesty can be practiced until it becomes a mastered skill. We train our bodies in practices, such as Martial Arts, but we often do not put this same focus of attention on the skills that shape our character and make us honorable people. If it takes great focus to shape the body and mind, why shouldn’t it take the same to develop a character of integrity?
Have you ever been asked a question and immediately found yourself thinking up a lie to say? “Do you like my new haircut?” You really dislike her new haircut but you do not want to hurt her feelings. So, you lie and say you love it but what does that do to your honesty meter? Does your character develop towards honorable or dishonorable when you do this on a regular basis?
When you go to the gym to train, you know you are going to feel uncomfortable and you are going to have to push yourself to the very limit to gain success. This goes with Martial Arts training, sports, or any other physical endeavor. We must look at practicing honesty as a means of stretching ourselves to the point of discomfort so we can be a better person. This applies to adults and kids of all ages. Work must be put in to see success.
What Lying Traps are Waiting For You?
* Your spouse cooks dinner but they put way too much salt in the soup. Do you tell them the truth or eat it, while smiling and pretending you are enjoying it? How will they ever learn to be a good cook unless they get honest feedback?
* Your friend wants to buy a new skirt but it does nothing for her figure. Will you be honest and tell her so she can avoid making a bad purchase? Do you really want your friend walking around looking less attractive than she could?
* Your mom just made you your “favorite” cookies again and you really dislike them and wish she would stop. Can you look mom in the eye and let her know? Do you want your mom to keep wasting her precious time making you something you dislike?
There are many traps that we all fall into and they can be cumbersome to overcome. We don’t want to hurt those we care about but are we hurting them more when we lie? Perhaps, we are hurting ourselves more than anyone because we are slowly becoming less honest each time we tell one more “little white lie”.
It Takes a Concerted Effort to Develop Honesty
Every parent knows the importance of training during parenting but we often forget to train ourselves. We do not realize the impact we are making on our kids’ lives when we constantly lie. When we approach honesty from a training standpoint, our goals become benefits. We strive to reach our goals by working hard and then we reap the benefits by changing who we are, for the better.
Honesty training is not going to be easy, especially if you have built up a lifetime habit. Before you begin your training, it is important you realize how you would feel if you knew someone was lying to you, no matter how small the lie. Would you want to know you made the soup too salty? Would you rather a friend tell you the one you are interested in is no good for you?
You first need to discover why you feel the need to lie instead of being honest with your friends, family, and acquaintances. When you focus on being honest, it can sometimes be embarrassing and uncomfortable. We may be afraid we are coming across too bluntly. Being honest requires true clarity in the situation. Sometimes, we fall into the trap of lying simply because it is easier and we do not ruffle any feathers along the way. Instead, we slowly destroy our foundation of honesty and lose who we really want to be.
How Can You Get Started?
1. Always be honest with yourself! We often lie to ourselves more than anyone else. Look at yourself in the mirror and be brutally honest with who you are, blemishes and all. Be you and only you and you will never have to pretend you are something you are not. Do this once a day to begin changing your integrity level.
2. You must realize you are showing kindness when you are honest with others. This is going to take practice so you may want to start with someone you know you can trust, who will not be easily offended. Make a goal of being honest every time you speak with this person, no matter the conversation. If you can master honesty with this with one person, you are well on your way to becoming a truly honest person.
3. Practice makes perfect in any method of discipline, including honesty. When you know you are going to be around a person or in a situation that normally triggers your impulse to lie, prepare yourself by practicing in the mirror. You may even find it helpful to video yourself so you can see your facial expressions and listen to the tone in your voice. This can help you look at yourself through the eyes of others so you can be honest without causing undue offense.
When you take careful consideration before you speak, you will find yourself being empowered with honesty. Instead of blurting out an immediate response to a question or comment, think on your answer and ask yourself is what you are about to say true and is it necessary. If you answer yes to both, you need to say it!
No, it will not be easy at first! Your heart is going to pound like it will burst your chest. You might find yourself sweating and you may feel tension all over your body. This is the same way you will feel when pushing your body to the limits but think about the end rewards. Just like your body changes from the hard work you put in, so can your integrity.
Conclusion
The benefits of honesty are profound because your new level of integrity will begin to have a positive effect on every aspect of your life, including those you care about. Parenting is difficult for every man and woman and we all fail at some point, no matter how hard we try. When we train to be honest people, we are showing our kids a life-changing message they will take with them into adulthood.
There is always someone watching you and learning from your actions, especially your kids. Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. What are you teaching your kids each day? If you are a little concerned over that answer, consider holding yourself accountable to honesty training each day and see the changes it can make in your life and the lives of those around you. Decide how bad you want it and what level of discomfort you are willing to feel to obtain your goals. Remember, you are not only shaping your character, you are also helping to shape your child’s!